The Decisions I Make

For those who are people pleasers......

For those who struggle with decisions.....

For those who are in relationships......

The decisions I make affect those with whom I share my life. That is a fact that never escapes my mind. I am a people person, I have stated that before. It is a challenge for me when making a decision to filter out my desire to make everyone happy. Especially when I feel I am being pulled in opposite directions. 

I know I need to make the best decision for me. But I am a part of a sum. Does that make sense?

I am a people person and my relationships are my priority. My family is who I am. The fact that I weigh what is best for my relationship with Steve, weigh what is best for my household, weigh what is best for my kids, is a valid point. I am not a selfish person. I also know that if I am happy and fulfilled then I am more apt to serve God. I know that if I am happy and fulfilled then I am a better wife. I know that if I am happy and fulfilled I am a better mother. I am a better friend, sister, aunt etc........

I try to take into account all of this when making a decision. That is a lot and I sometimes feel overwhelmed. It is a matter of laying out my priorities, of filtering out the noise in my own head and making a decision.

I do this with prayer, with exercise, and sometimes just going with my gut. Its funny though because after I make the decision, I don't feel a sense of relief. I don't get that sense of relief until I have spoken to those involved in person and know that they are ok. That is stressful in itself. I need to be more confident in my decision and let others deal with it. I don't mean that in the snotty way of saying "deal with it". But in the literal sense of dealing with it. 

We say a lot in this culture "I don't owe anyone anything!"  I don't personally believe that. I owe God my life, I owe Steve my commitment and more, I owe my kids my time and love, I owe my family and friends, time and friendship, I owe my enemies forgiveness and the list goes on and on.  

We are all interconnected. Whether we like it or not. We are social creatures, designed by God, to work, to live, to procreate, to create communities. The decisions others make affects you, the decision you make affect others. We are our brothers keepers. 

Haircut

So I got my haircut the other day..... It was the first time my hair has ever been cut by a dude. I don't mean a man, a person of the male sex, I mean a dude. Scruffy facial hair and grunts instead of words and all. 

Don't get me wrong, I don't mind being touched by a man at all. My hair washing experience was a head massage. I don't know if he meant it to be one but it was nice. I love having my hair washed by someone else. 

After the wash, we sit in the chair and I show him a picture of the haircut I would like. He makes this weird face. My mind immediately assumes that he thinks it is the a horrible haircut for me. That I will look terrible. He asks to borrow my phone while he goes talk to his instructor. (Yeah, I go to Aveda Institute for my haircuts) 

When he returns, the instructor is with him. She begins to discuss the cut with him. At that moment I realize, it wasn't that I choose a bad haircut, I chose a cut he didn't know how to do. 

Ok, now what! I don't freak out. I sit patiently and he starts to cut. The instructor is off in the distance watching while doing other stuff. At one point she comes over and cuts the layers into half of my head, teaching him as she goes along. He is instructed to cut the other half.

While he is cutting my hair, he all of a sudden stops. He says "I'll be right back" and walks away. I figured right away that he had cut himself with the scissors. The instructor comes and takes the scissors and comb away. I am sitting there waiting and waiting. Finally he comes back and yep there is a little bandage on one finger. OOPS!!!

He has to spray my hair wet again. So he grabs the spray bottle and spritzes my hair. He tosses the bottle onto the counter and it lands sideways, he doesn't even notice. I told you, dude!

Finally he is done. Only an hour later. Not bad for a pretty simple cut. The instructor comes over and checks. She cleans it up a little. But all in all he did a good job. 

Now he has to diffuse my hair with a hair dryer. He mentions to his instructor that his earlier customer needed to diffusing and her hair come out very frizzy. Uh Oh!

She explains how to diffuse correctly. He begins to blow dry my hair and is touching it. Yeah, touching it. Anyone and everyone knows that you don't touch hair because you make it frizzy. Again a dude!!

The instructor comes over again and explains that you should touch the hair as little as possible. Especially curly hair! Otherwise it will frizz. 

Finally we are done. Again he did a pretty good job. It was simple haircut. Sort of short Meg Ryan look. Head massaged and hair cut by a dude. It was a good day.  

What I have.....

What I have isn't perfect, but it is pretty close

What I have is worth more than gold

What I have money can't buy

What I have I know is good

What I have is attainable

What I have is a choice

What I have takes work

What I have is boring; to some

What I have is weird; to others

What I have is complicated

What I have is simple

What I have is ..........

A relationship with Christ

A strong marriage

A partner with whom we have sacrificed for our kids

A safe secure home

A grand-baby on the way

A life with four beautiful kids

A wonderful daughter in law

A strong man standing beside me

A strong female psyche

A desire to continue to make things better

A love for those around me

We married very, very young

We chose to live a straight "boring" life

We chose to live in a town that is all about education

We chose to focus on our kids, our marriage, and Christ

I strive not to take for granted what I have. I know what it is like to not have these things. I remember. I look around and know this is good, this is close to paradise. 

Behind Closed Doors

For my sisters.....

For my mother.....

For my brothers....

For my friends and neighbors

and all those who live behind closed doors......

Someone said to me recently "we don't know what goes on behind closed doors". I certainly have heard this many times in my life. It is not a new thought but something that we certainly can forget.

Not just behind closed doors but behind the fronts we put on for the public. Behind the Facebook posts and sweet hellos. Do we truly know the struggles of others? Do others know the struggles I face?

Some people are very guarded and don't open up easily. Some of us don't feel like sharing our drama with the world. So it is hard for those around us to know what's going on in our heads or our homes. 

We judge based on what we see. How a person looks. How they present themselves to the world. Because this is all we know, this is all we see. Sometimes we need to recognize that what we see may not be the whole picture. We need to recognize the person behind the smile. 

Look at them as a valued human person

The person they present to the world is part of them but only part. Who are those we interact with daily? Who am I in this world? What am I presenting to the world? 

If we are truly present for those around us. If we open our hearts to God and let his love take over. Then we will be able to open our hearts to those around and love and listen and love and help and love. We are called to Love!

What does this word "Love" mean? What is it to be truly present? These are challenging questions. I love my husband, I love my children. But let's not mix up love with lust or desire. Let's not mix love with complete agreement on all things. Love in one sense is wanting something better for the other person. Love is treating others with dignity. Love is being able to disagree without allowing pride or hate or the absolute desire to be right to take over. Love is self sacrifice and self giving. Christ loved, absolutely and purely, perfectly, unto death and beyond. 

To those reading this and are feeling alone. To those reading this that feel like they have no one to talk to, no one who will listen completely and not judge. To those who feel overwhelmed and over burdened. Know that there are those around you who love you. Those around you who want to listen and give support and love. Sometimes you have to take that first step to be heard. You have to let someone in. But also know that God knows whats in your heart. Lay it all out for Him. He can take it. Yell, scream, pray. Write it down and throw it way. Write it down then burn it. Pray, Pray, Pray!! 

There is unconditional love there! There is Hope!