Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Liking yourself, even the parts that need improvement.

Okay finding a balance of liking yourself and who you are; and working on improving who you are. Where is the line? For this blog I am talking external. Internal would be a similar idea but for now I will talk about outside.

I have lost some weight and am leaner, stronger, and healthier. I know to be even healthier and look better, I need to lose 30 more. I try not obsess about this, just keep working on it. Slowly is ok, but sometimes I take a step backwards. When i do, I just refocus and start again.

But back to the point of finding the balance. I will never be a 20 year old again but I can be the best I can be right now. Most of you know I have had some plastic surgery. I prefer to call it reconstructive; putting things back together after years self inflicted abuse. Am I just rationalizing or trying to somehow say plastic surgery otherwise is a problem. I don't believe so, people are just trying to improve themselves. But it can be a problem, when overdone or becomes an obsession. Where is that line and who drew it?

My first procedure produced amazing results. It helped me see and show what I worked so hard to achieve. The next procedure well; I will let you know the results in a few months. How many procedures is to many? How much weight loss is to much? How much exercise is to much? I don't believe I am anywhere near to much for any of these. I exercise 4x a week. I have had 2 procedures.  But that is it for me. There are parts that I need to work and weight I need to lose. But I am who I am. I think I obsess more about what is to much than actually doing to much. 

It is interesting when people say "you have lost enough, you don't want to be too skinny". I am so far from being too skinny. I think people are just used to how you looked being heavier. There are real eating disorders out there and you can certainly be underweight. But according to every doctor I have ever seen I am still very much overweight. Again back to finding a balance of being healthy but not obsessing.

I will never be perfect in this life, so its time to accept that and enjoy who I am. While everyday working to improve inside and out.

Friday, November 26, 2010

Have a blesses advent season!

Merry Christmas!!! Or should I say " have a blessed advent"

We begin the Christmas Season, Advent. One of my favorite times of the year.
I love the two fold message, remembering the first coming of Christ and remembering that He will come again. Lots of prayers and readings, discussions and homilies on what it all means. Helps to keep us focused on the real meaning of the season.

This year we have a long advent season.  Because Christmas is on Sat., we get a full week for the last week of advent. 

What traditions does your family have for this season? Do you light an advent candle on Sundays? If you don't, this is a good year to start. You simply need 4 candles, 3 red and 1 pink. Just google advent prayers and you will find lots to choose from. Light one candle every Sunday. The pink one is lit second to last. It is a reminder that we are almost there. This is a great way to refocus on the season.

We remember John the Baptist, who preached repentance and preparing the way, up to his death. We remember that Christ will come like a thief in the night, we won't know when. We should always be ready. We hear of Mary's visit by the angel and her saying "yes" to the will of God. We hear of Joseph's angel visit and his saying "yes". Are we ready to say " yes, Lord, I hear you calling in the night". 

As the stores and the media puts all this pressure on us to buy the perfect gifts or have the best of this or that. That Christmas is about shopping, parties and eating,  advent can help us remember that these are just outward signs of our true joy in Christ. I do enjoy shopping and gifts and socializing, but I try to not get caught up in it and lose focus.

For me and other Catholics, maybe others too, Christmas doesn't end on Christmas day. That is the beginning of the Christmas season. Through mid January, we continue to talk about Christ's coming at the Nativity until His Baptism and the beginning of His public ministry. What a great time!

"Have a blesses advent, may Joy of the season be with you and yours!" 

   

Monday, November 22, 2010

Even now.....

"Even now, I swear I think of you and how I wished you knew."  One of my favorite songs from Barry Manilow. 

Got me to thinking about music and how much a part of my life it is. Songs can effect my mood or tap into how I am feeling. If you stop by my house on any given day, you can tell my mood by the music playing inside. Music can be very personal, one song can speak volumes to you but mean nothing to someone else. For instance, the song mentioned above, makes me think of lost loved ones. Particularly my sister whom I lost 21 yrs ago. I realize the song is about lost love. 

When Steve and I started dating in high school, we had our song. But actually we had our songs, we had about 10 songs that we loved and called our song. Anything from "key largo" to "two less lonely people". I remember as a teenager, I would lay in front of the stereo in the living room and just lose myself in all kinds of music.

Even now, I love to lose myself in music. There is nothing better than to get caught up in the music and the rhythm. For me it is a release. Whether I am exercising or out dancing or at a concert, there is something about losing yourself for a moment.

This certainly is a better way than with alcohol or any other crazy substance. 

I like all kinds of main stream music. Hardcore rock(with the screaming) and hardcore rap(with all the swearing), I don't care for. I am also not a fan of classical or opera. Furthermore I don't care for the Beatles, Beach boys or Taylor Swift. To much hype for me and not enough substance. I know I am weird, but like said music is very personal. If you like them good for you, I hope you enjoy whatever music moves you in heart, mind and body.

Music can spark memories, bring people together, promote a message(be it good or bad). There is nothing more frustrating than hearing a song with a phenomenal beat but terrible lyrics or message. It is unfortunate when an artist creates an awesome beat or rhythm but use the lyrics to be stupid.

There are some good pop with uplifting lyrics or great poetry. There is some great music out there in all genres and labels. Not to mention the independents and underground music. Mainstream radio is barely the tip of the iceberg. There are great classics from the all musicals times and eras. Latin music,country music and local bands are making great music. Find your passion and lose yourself. 


"It's only half past the point of no return
The tip of the iceberg, the sun before the burn
The thunder before lightning, the breath before the phrase
Have you ever felt this way?"
Pink's - Glitter in the air.

 

Friday, November 19, 2010

Reflections of ourselves

There are 2 issues I want to mention.

One is being honest with yourself and one is tied to our self esteem. For some both issues are tied into our self esteem. For me I don't think this is the case. 

The first issue is some people are simply not photogenic. I certainly don't consider myself to be unattractive, but I don't take good photos. For some reasons I don't come out looking very well. I always wonder what a pro could do. I seriously don't believe this has to do with my self esteem. Just never get the look right. 

Now on the other hand, we are our own worst enemies. When I look at pictures of myself I do see the negatives. I am 65 lbs lighter, stronger and leaner than I have been in a long time. Why can't I see that? Why can't we see the good we have? I see the jiggly parts, the fat parts and every blemish. Why do I do that? 

Is it something we can work on? Can we look at the picture and say positive things. Can we turn off those voices in our head that have been there so long? I believe that we can change and grow always. No matter what age. Just like the unfortunate situation of verbal abuse, that can affect your mind. Maybe if we hear good things enough even from ourselves it can alter our thought process.

Am I fooling myself thinking these two issues aren't tied together? I still don't think so. Looking at pictures of different people, some are photogenic and some are not. It is hard to get people to be honest with you on this subject because it is a sticky place.  No one will say you are nice looking but not photogenic. They are on reality shows like that next top model show. They will say it! 

 

Thursday, November 18, 2010

The roller coaster called life

Life truly is a roller-coaster. A series of ups and downs, joy and sorrows, hope and despair. The good the bad and ugly I like to say. 

You could be cruising along in auto pilot and things are going fairly well. Then the rug gets pulled out from under you. You go down, your options here are to stay down or get back up. Your head is spinning, you are trying to think straight, to figure out what happened. Sometimes I feel like I stand but don't move. I like to get my bearings first, pray about it and then move. But you could get stuck here standing like a deer in headlights. 

Then there are times of pure joy, bliss even. You look around wonder at the glory of life. I try to take it all in and remember the feeling. Thanking God for this moment.

Sometimes it is minor hills and valleys. Blips on the radar so to speak. The normal up and downs of life. Then there are the straight tracks, the auto pilot that gets you from one hill or valley to another.

The high points can be awesome, the valleys very low and you can't see a way out. But always the hope that the way out is up. That a high point is coming, things will get better.

The difference with life is you have some control. I say some because there are forces out of your control and forces you let in that take some control. Each twist and turn, each hill and valley you respond to, you chose the next path. There is the uncertainty of what's ahead. You can't see, you can speculate. There are others on the track making their paths. There are lots of collisions, lots of joining of cars, lots of splitting of cars. Always the uncertainty of what is around the next corner. Always the question of which path to take.

Ride the ride, try to have more fun than not. When it is time to get off be thankful you had the opportunity. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

What would you do to give yourself an advantage?

As congress struggles with earmarks and how to police themselves. As athletes struggle to compete against someone using performance enhancers. Makes me wonder to what lengths would someone go to get an advantage,

Where is line? Is there a grey area? Would you use connections to get a job? Is that even the same thing?

Can a politician who refuses to use/get earmarks get reelected? It is a risk to stand up against something. The athlete who doesn't use performance enhancers can't compete with those who do. He/She will lose the opportunity.  

Maybe I should back up and ask a basic question. Do you think using performance enhancers is wrong? What about earmarks or pork barrel spending? I chose to tie these two together because it felt it makes the point about trying to make about giving yourself advantage. I assume most people agree that these are tough choices. Maybe you don't see a problem with a football player enhancing his workout.
Let's assume you agree these are wrong.

How do we change things so everyone can compete fairly. Do we introduce more laws, more guidelines, more drug tests etc.... Is it possible for congress to police themselves and create a law to stop themselves. Could you? Both political parties use earmarks, the majority of politicians use them. How does it stop? Once you start rationalizing and cross the line then previous things that were clearly wrong become the grey area. As you move farther away from what is right, you can rationalize more wrongs. That is the danger. 

Once earmarks became commonplace the floodgates open. You have things added to bills that have nothing whatsoever to do with the bill. And furthermore we allow our politicians to use this against one another. He didn't vote for bill xyz that gave military personnel a raise because he doesn't support them. How horrible! When in reality he was voting against an earmark. They all do it, both sides and we allow it. Just like we allow all the earmarks and deficits spending. Talk of tough cuts, taxes needed and deficit limits can cause a politician to lose elections. We aren't honest with ourselves.      

Christ says the road is narrow and to pick up your cross and follow Him.  That is were the rubber hits the road so to speak. What are we willing to give up to do the right thing? Is it easy? No. Is it doable? Yes. Anything is possible with the Lord by your side and you are confident you are doing the right thing.     

Monday, November 15, 2010

Power

When this world knocks us down, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of the human spirit!

When sin pulls us down and tries to control us, why do we get back up? 
Because of the power of the Cross!

When this world assaults us and attempts every kind of evil, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of God!

When we are oppressed and controlled, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of free will!

When we are hurt and in need, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of Love!

When our childhood baggage resurfaces and tries to knock us down, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of family and love!

When we are battered and abused, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of our strength!

When unbearable loss is thrust upon us, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of life!

When we feel all hope is lost, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of Hope!

When we can't get up anymore, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of Christ!

When death is at your door, why do we get back up?
Because of the power of the risen Christ!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Creating your ideal......

Bedroom, kitchen, vacation........

My son has a project to create his ideal bedroom. He is having fun with it but is being still very practical which is interesting. This got me thinking because as we are getting ready to remodel/recreate our kitchen, what is ideal?  There is a lot of pressure behind the thought. What would make your kitchen ideal? Is it the cool cabinets, the pull out pantry, the sharp countertops, artistic backsplash, the list could go on and on. The choices are daunting. 

The lucky folks who get chosen for this or that remodeling show have it easy. The choices are made for them but because it is cool and shiny and new they are thrilled. Makes you wonder if our ideal is not so specific. 

Would it be so crazy for us to turn our kitchen design over to a friend, with whom we trust and has great taste. To relinquish control! How happy would we be with a great new kitchen! 

Or is it better to be connected to every choice. To feel like you created a space that represents you. 

We are doing all the work ourselves. Even if we let go of design control. The demolishing, cabinet installation, backsplash, floor, painting, etc... Due to budget constraints outside help will be minimal. The header, the countertops and maybe some plumbing or electrical may be outsourced. So the space will be built by us and will be our space.

We have often wondered if we won the lotto where would we live, what kind of home or kitchen would we have. Imagine you could live anywhere in the world? Where would you live? You could have any kind of home or kitchen space, what would it be? I know for me, I like having some parameters. Maybe as we get older; but I am not entirely sure I believe that. Most people settle within reason to where they grew up. It is what we are familiar with, where family is, where we feel connected. So most young people starting out, who have choices in where to live, choose proximity to home town.  

So back to my original thought. Is our ideal kitchen a concept in our minds that can be created in many different ways or is it more specific to a look? Do we as humans like parameters and guides? Would you want to make every choice and be connected completely to the design or would you relinquish control and be ok with that? 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Love, respect and Thanks to those that serve!

Today is Veteran's Day!! As I enjoy the freedom to write this blog and to live my life, I remember those that have givin their time, talent and lives.

Those who have served, have given and continue to give so much. Words can't express what we owe them. Take the time to show your thanks. Send a card or package to a soldier. Visit a neighbor who has a family member serving. Visit or take a veteran to lunch. Visit a gravesite or memorial. Pray for those who have lost their lives, their families and loved ones.

How many soldiers are serving from your neighborhood? How many have been lost from your state? We recently lost a young man from St Clair Shores. Thoughts and prayers to his family.

Thanks to the families that wait and pray at home. The husbands, wives, parents, and children who wait, worry, pray and try to get on with living while their loved ones are away. Those that encourage us to send packages, cards and try to win cases of energy drinks to send. You are truly an awesome inspiration. Your loved ones serving should be very proud of you. I can't imagine the difficult task of everyday. Especially those spouses with young children to raise. My husband is my best friend and for him to be gone for so long, I know would be a challenge. But you face it with dignity and strength.

As we come into the holiday season, take time to remember those who won't be home for the holidays. Who will miss the turkey n fix ins, the family time and even football. Those who miss Christmas, birthdays, and many other celebrations serving our country. Take a moment to offer thanks and prayers for them.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Why is weight loss so hard!! Especially for women. I know there are millions of men struggling but I am going to talk about this from the female perspective. Mostly because I am female(in case you didn't know)and that is from where I see things.

I have lost 60-70 lbs. (I didn't weigh myself at my heaviest so not exactly sure.) I know that is great and feel really good about that accomplishment. It did however take me 7 yrs to do it. That is 10lbs a year, which is less than a pound a month. I know, I know slow weightloss is the best way to lose. You are less likely to put it back on. Intellectually I know that, but I want the darn scale to move!

there are moments of extreme frustration. You watch your diet and exercise regularly then step on the scale and no movement. Or worse the number is bigger. You look at that scale and wonder what would happen if you threw that scale through the window. You realize that only the window would break. Then you stop obsessing and just eat. (But please note that some of the changes I have made to my eating habits over the years are constants, I don't even think about them. So when I say just eat, it is within reason.) Then you get on the scale and you have lost .5 lb. You know that if you keep eating like this though the weight will creep back on. That is always the fear that all the weight will come back on.

I sit watching my husband eat pop tarts and talking about being down a pound or two. Then I wonder what would happen if you stab someone with a pop tart. You realize just the pop tart would break. You tell him you are happy he has lost weight. And truly you are because he looks awesome!

What is interesting is given all the frustration and stress, I am so much better when I eat right and exercise. I think my brain is catching up. That is better than a stupid number on the scale. As diabetes runs rampant through the Hispanic community, I am fighting back. Every weight I lift, every drop of sweat, every time I choose a salad over a burger, I am fighting back. Will you join me in this battle? Whether it is obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, or any other disease. Go for a walk, move, sweat and live. Make one change today.

A great friend of mine has made some changes to improve her life, my mom has made changes for her life and both of these women are in their sixties. That is true inspiration. Are we perfect at it? NO! It is a one day at a time process but we are all better for it in the long run.

We women are strong in mind body and spirit. Given the challenges of weight-loss, bearing children, raising children, hormonal peaks and valleys, we rise to the challenge. We stare the world down and say "Bring It On!!!"

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Why I write this blog and Why you should read it!

Why I write this? Hhmm! Probably because I am selfish lacking self esteem and need validation. TOO HONEST!! Am I being honest or facetious? I don't know, you tell me.

I do know that I have these thoughts that I want to put down somewhere. I thought about a journal but that won't get read until I am dead most likely. What fun is that! I just think maybe some of you may have similar thoughts or completely different thoughts and that is interesting.

Are you married? Or in a relationship? Are you raising children? Are you trying to remodel a kitchen or any part of your house with no money? Do you struggle with religion and spirituality? Are you trying to lose weight or be more fit? Do you sometimes wonder what is the point? Do you know who you are and are confident in that person? Or is that on somedays and other days you are as confused as a teenager?

I may talk about plastic surgery, growing up on welfare, in a big crazy dysfunctional family or maybe not. Let's see what comes out of this crazy brain.

Why you should read it, is the validation component. Am I the only one with these thoughts or are there others thinking and feeling similarly. Which is why I ask you to comment. How can I know what you are thinking if you don't say it. No matter how simple or elaborate please share. I will read every comment. It is important to me to know what you are thinking.

The topics will be varied and all over the place, like life. I will simply write about what is on my mind each day. Some controversial, like homosexuality and feminism, some everyday stuff like marriage and kids. You may surprised to hear my take on some of these. At least those of you that know me. But I hope it makes you laugh, think and comment. I am not the most educated person, I do however think I am a fairly smart person. I graduated from DPS and have an associates degree.(DPS is Detroit Public) I won't be talking about world politics or stock market like an expert. Everything will be quite simply opinions and thoughts.

Maybe I am full of myself thinking people will want to read my ramblings! But maybe just maybe if I put myself out there I will grow immensely from it. Life is short so why not!!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Teenagers

Raising teenagers has got to be the toughest job. I mean come on, you are doing your job if your kid hates you. Really!! Who wants their kid to hate them.

We all want our kids to be happy well adjusted priests or nuns. Or maybe instead to graduate summa cum laude or whatever from Harvard. Then turn down the high paying job to go save the world. Stand up against oppression and poverty and still make good money. Marrying a great person, have 2 beautiful kids, who you get to see all the time.

Instead we watch the news, read the stories and get paranoid about losing our kids to drugs, alcohol and teen pregnancies. We worry they won't graduate, they will huff or puff some weird stuff. We debate snooping or spying, to drug test or not. Always thinking we are making the wrong choice.

Then we see those who have it together and wonder! We see them at church, restaurants and movies. Sitting with their teenagers, being affection and having reasonable conversations. We convince ourselves that unlike us they have it together. Our mind tells us not to compare just like we tell our kids. Does it work, do the thoughts go away. Maybe you have it more together than me.